That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
