Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
