soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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