listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
