Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
