what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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