Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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