dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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