Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
