Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
