How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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