Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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