Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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