She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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