My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
