i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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