I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
