mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
