Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
