It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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