i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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