Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
