Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
