Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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