Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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