i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is wine microwaveable?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
