Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
