i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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