every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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