Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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