my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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