Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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