he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
