she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize