hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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