The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
