i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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