i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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