I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
