i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
