Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
