never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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