i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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