I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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