the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
