I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm really busy with my period
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