Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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