i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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