This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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