I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
