i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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