Will you blow on my dice?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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