Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize