she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
