Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
