so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think your dad took our porno
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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