I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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