Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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