She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
