If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
