My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
