I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize