Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize