i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
