At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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