And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
