Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
