All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My balls are so social today.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
