If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
