I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
