Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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