Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
