I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
