you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Rumble strips road head = magical
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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