Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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